Eric Cartman vs Steven Universe
Eric Cartman vs Steven Universe is a What If Death Battle by The Sayain Jedi Description SOUTH PARK VS STEVEN UNIVERSE! Which fat magical child in a red shirt will win a battle to the death! Intro W. ' '''I Don't care what you think, Children suck! They scream at the top of their lungs on planes, restaurants and every single form of transport! '''B. But these two are the most popular Kids in cartoons!' W. Steven Universe The Son of Rose Quartz B. And Eric Cartman the face of South Park, He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick W. And it's our job to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!!! Eric Cartman W. Eric Cartman is a resident citizen of South Park, often bullying, and abusing the people to get what he wants B. Because of him being so spoiled by his mother who is on the cover of crack whore magazine! W. Well Eric isn't a normal child by any means as he, hang on let me get the list of evil deeds from Cartman okay..he created an oraganization that exploited Babys that were addicted to crack, Dressed up as Hitler and tried to exterminate the Jews, He spread Hate Speech about Ginger kids, Befriended Cthulu, Gave a Kid AIDS and fed Scott Tenorman his own parents! B. JESUS CHRIST THAT KID IS EVIL! W. Well Boomstick you and Cartman have one thing in common. B. What is that Wiz? W. He doesn't have a dad! B. Wiz i swear after this show i'm gonna fucking kill you! W. Cartman is a very strong boy despite his appearance, He Knocked over a planetarium projector just by doing a casual kick. B. Cartman done loads of other stuff such as he Smashed through a glass window in the pentagon twice, Can lift a large cartoonishly sized mallet and swing it down no problem, One time he also beat Bilbo Baggins to death in three hits, And he once sent another kid flying in just one kick! W. Cartman despite his obesity is quite fast as he has dodged gun fire and when he is the Coon he can disappear and disappear in other parts of rooms when people aren't looking. B. Eric is one tough kid as he can survive a satelite the size of a building getting shoved up his ass, He once 'dropped from an alien ship to the snowy ground below and was totally fine, Got right back up after being bucked and charged down by a large bull, He has survived Plane and Car crashes like they were nothing at all!' W. Cartman survived a rock falling on his head, Survived jumping off a building And he also survived a brutal beatdown by PC Principle, PC Principle once punched through a robot's head! B. That isn't all Eric has as he has fart powers... W. Don't underestimate Eric's fart powers, Eric can make Fire Farts! Yes you read that one right fire farts, And by farting directly next to some one for long periods of time, Cartman can cause so much fecal matter to build up in their nose. B. Holy Shit that's awesome i want it! W. Well your gonna change your wish after hearing his weapons! B. Oh wait can i do this one? W. Sure! B. YES! He has A wooden bat used to violently beat people, A canister that shoots out mace in the form of thick foam, An actual fully functional blaster used in the Star Wars franchise, A standard chainsaw used during a zombie invasion in South Park, A small knife used for back stabbing, A regular flute that Cartman can use to execute "The Brown Noise" Anyone who hears "The Brown Noise" will immediately crap their pants, A Hand Gun, A large cartoony mallet that Cartman can some how lift and swing no problem, A Nightstick Used for when Cartman became a police officer, P.29 Stun Baton, An actual pair of Sai, A Regular Taser, A Taser Gun, A regular stick of dynamite lit by the fuse and finally he has the V-Chip which was installed in the South Park Movie. W. It was originally installed in his head to stop him from swearing, It later began to malfunction after he touched an electric chair. B. This allows Cartman to shoot electrity at his enemy's, I change my mind i want all of these! W. Cartman has also got a really good attack The Belly Barge Which is so strong that it can destroy walls with ease! B. Whoa that so cool Eric must be perfect! W. Well no, Eric is still a child and can easily be over powered up close, Isn't that great at hand to hand combt and can be tricked and be made a fool out of like the time Scott Tenorman sold him his pubes. B. Still with all these flaws you have to admit he is one badass kid! "Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Steven Universe W. When the Home-World Gems invaded Earth it was a complete and utter blood bath! B. It resulted in a war that lasted for thousands of years, hundreds of humans were killed and thousands of gems were shattered. W. The only thing stopping the Home-World Gems from taking over the Earth were three Gems called the Crystal Gems and they were led by Rose Quartz. B. The reason why Rose was fighting for the Earth was because of a man named Greg Universe. W. After the war Rose became pregnant and she was going to have a child with Greg B. And they all lived happily ever after the end! W. Well no Rose had to sacrifise her form to give birth to the Child, So Greg had to raise his son on his own. B. Thankfully Steven joined the Crystal Gems and he lived with them, Becoming one of the protectors of the world W. Steven is pretty strong as he was able to lift the together breakfast into a pit of lava, He ripped the top half of an arcade machine, He Burst out of a pile of rocks and flung a rock larger than him and Amythyst. B. He also was able to throw a staue at Bismuth that was bigger than him, He Destroyed the dashboard of Greg's van with one punch and he lifted and moved a teenage girl with little effort W. Steven is also pretty fast as he kept up with Pearl for a bit, He Dodged some Lasers and Out ran Amythyst, Amythyst can dodge point blank lasers! B. Now Steven is also a tough for a small fat kid as he survived being slammed into a stone floor hard enough to break it And he even survived in the vaccum of space. W. Steven's got some cool weapons such as his shield which of course can block attacks and he can enhance the size of it. B. He also has his bubble which is just the exact same as the shield except a bubble. W. That isn't all Steven has, He has his Gem.. B. Wait what about his laser light cannon W. Well i don't think we should count this as it took all the crystal gems to lift it and the only time he could was in a video game, If we are not counting Eric's game feats we are not counting Steven's B. Oh Ok W. Any way as i was saying he has his Gem Powers B. He can Shape-Shift but not that well, He can heal by Spitting which is fucking disgusting, He can create living Watermelon Steven's that can actually fight, He can also change his age depending on his emotions which could be a problem as he could age until he dies! W. Now Steven isn't perfect by any means as Boomstick just mentioned he could age himself until he dies, He is not smart at all and is very naive, He Relies to much on his shield and if he tries keeping his form shapeshifting for too long he will lose control and regress into a baby for a couple of hours! B. Still with all these flaws Steven would definitely make Rose Quartz proud! (Steven: I'm someone the Diamonds will want more than any of these humans. The leader of the Crystal Gem rebellion. The Gem that shattered Pink Diamond. I'm not my dad! I'm my mom! I'M ROSE QUARTZ!) Intermission W. All right the combatants are set let's end this debate once and for all B. It's Time for a DEATH BATTLE!!! Fight Eric Cartman was going to KFC with his friends, a.k.a, the only people that put up with him. Cartman was excited that the KFC in their town had reopened. "Isn't this great you guys?" Cartman asked for the 20th time. "Yes Cartman, we know." Kyle replied. Eric finally made it to the cash register and looked at menu, he realized something shocking all the food was gone! Cartman shouted to the poor teenager managing the money "Where the Fuck is the food!?" The Teen looked at the child in shock at his language and said "Um the food was ordered by that person" while pointing to his side. Cartman looked at where he was pointing and saw Amethyst shoving all the chicken in her mouth, Cartman walked towards the Gem and said "HEY ASSHOLE!" Amethyst looked at the boy and said "What do you want?" Cartman then shouted back "WHY DID YOU ORDER ALL THE FOOD!" Amythyst looked at the child and said "Because I'm hungry stupid!" Suddenly, she ate all the remaining food and walked away, Cartman stared at the Gem in anger when suddenly Stan said "Um Cartman are you ok?" Eric turned around and said "I'm fine Stan, I'm just gonna kill her!" Stan, Kyle and Kenny looked at Cartman in shock, before they could even say a word Eric ran towards Amethyst outside the restaurant. Amethyst walked away to the new house she was living in when suddenly she heard a gun clicking, She turned around only to see Cartman holding a gun on her. Steven walked towards where he knew where Amethyst was when he saw Amethyst getting shot in the head making her retreat into her Gem, Eric then stepped on the Gem destroying it! Steven ran towards Eric in anger and punched him in the face sending flying backwards into a wall, Eric looked up to see Steven holding a shield while tears were in his eyes. Cartman stood back up and got into his stance while saying "You wanna go bro?!" Steven then shouted "YOU KILLED AMYTHYST!" Then he threw his shield at Cartman starting the battle FIGHT! Eric saw this weapon coming towards him as he then ducked underneath it making the shield crash into the wall behind him, Steven was in shock when suddenly Cartman tackled Steven to the ground and then began whailing on him. Steven endured the punishment before he kicked Eric off him, Steven jumped up from the ground and created another shield. Cartman regained his composure and ran behind a building, Steven tried to follow after Cartman when suddenly Eric done a Belly Barge into Steven's back sending him forward. Steven skidded across the ground and turned around to see Cartman charging towards him with a baseball bat in his hands, Steven created another shield and charged forward. Cartman tried to swing at Steven's head when suddenly Steven Universe put his wrist to his temple and blocked the attack with his shield, 'Eric used this opportunity to kick Steven in the stomach sending him flying backwards due to the amount of force. Cartman ran underneath the stunned Steven, But for some reason Steven wasn't falling. Eric looked up to see that Steven was floating in mid-air, Steven looked down at Cartman and began throwing shields down to Eric. Cartman ran around in circles dodging each shield, Cartman then ignitted the fuse in the dynamite and chucked it into the air. Steven couldn't even react before the explosive went off knocking him out of the air like a bird that just got shot in hunting season. Cartman charged towards the knocked down Steven with a knife equipped, Steven jumped up from the ground and tried a punch but Cartman dodged the strike and stabbed him in the hand making Steven shout in pain. Cartman tried to stab Steven in the face when suddenly the Crystal Gem dodged the strike and ran away from the scene while clutching onto his wrist. Steven ran behind a KFC bin and layed on it, The Child of Rose Quartz then spat into his hand before putting it onto his cut wrist healing it. Eric ran to where he saw Steven run with a mallet in his hand, Steven decided to ambush the South Park resident. Steven ran in front of Cartman and shoulder barged him sending Eric backwards on his back, Cartman got up only to be grabbed by his arms by two Watermelon Steven's trapping him. A third Watermelon Steven walked in front of Cartman and then began beating on him, Eric began getting angry so he then started shouting swear words. Suddenly a massive barrage of electricity destroyed the two Watermelon Steven's into chucks, Cartman grabbed his mallet again and slammed it against the clone of Steven's head crushing it into pieces. Steven created a bubble protecting him from the brutal attacks by Cartman, Steven then popped the bubble launching Eric backwards. Steven thinking that Eric was knocked out he began to walk away when suddenly he was hit by electricity by the V-Chip sending him into the snowy ground, Steven stood back up and looked for Cartman when suddenly three sounds were heard... ''' BANG! ' BANG!' ' BANG!' Three shots at Steven's leg, stomach, and arm. Steven screeched in pain as he collapsed onto the ground, bleeding. Cartman walked towards the bloodied Steven pointing a gun at his head, Steven put his hand and pleaded with Eric "Please, Please don't shoot me!" Cartman began walking around Steven while still holding his weapon, Cartman then said "Well Asshole you attacked me and your dumbass friend stole all my KFC!" Cartman decided not to use his gun to kill Steven, He grabbed his Mallet and smashed it into Steven's face knocking him on his side nearly knocking him out. Steven licked his hand and tried to place it onto his body when suddenly his whole arm was cut off by Cartman's chainsaw! Steven screamed in pain as he began crying clutching onto his bloddy sump. Cartman then sliced off Steven's other arm stopping him from healing himself, Suddenly Cartman saw a Wood-Chipper and decided this was how would kill his opponent. Cartman dragged the bloodied Steven across the snow and towards the Chipper, Eric Cartman then grabbed Steven and chucked him into the Wood Chipper feet first. Steven's screams of agony were silenced as he was reduced into bloody mush! Eric walked away from the scene alone without Steven,no kid would ever push him around again! KO! Result B. Oh My God That was fucking Brutal! BUT AWESOME! W. Ok now you may be wondering, How does Cartman win again after a remake well let's explain! B. Alright let's start from the basics, While Steven was stronger than Cartman when it comes to lifting shit and is more durable Cartman beats Steven every where else. W. When it comes to punching power Cartman had Steven stumped, While Steven was able to punch Greg so hard he was sent into a tree Cartman was so strong that with a casual kick he could knock over a satelite, Now compared to Cartman the satelite is 15 feet tall. B. Now if we assume the satelite is made of stainless steel it would weigh approximately 100 tons! That is a lot of weight to kick over with ease. W. Cartman suprisingly takes speed as he can disappear and reappear while Steven has never been able to, Now you may think but Steven kept up with Amythyst which means he's faster than Cartman. Well no since Amythyst has never been able to disappear an reappear. B. Now you may be thinking but what about Steven's shield wouldn't it be able to block all of Eric's attacks right!? W. Well yes and no, Yes Steven's shield could block Eric's attacks it won't stop Cartman from knocking the shield out of Steven's hand and just killing him then. B. What about the bubble that could be a problem for Cartman? W. Yes it would but Steven can't stay in the bubble forever because He will run out of energy and make the shield disappear allowing Eric to just kill him. B. Also thanks to being smarter than Steven,Cartman could outsmart Steven before doing the finishing blow! ''' W. Now you may be thinking but Steven could heal so he could outlive Eric, Here's the problem with this arguement Cartman can heal too. '''B. Yeah suprisingly if he eats cheesy poofs he can heal so Steven and Cartman could be on equal playing field. W. And one more other thing people still might be wondering two things A. Why didn't Steven have his laser light canon and B. Isn't Steven Island Level. B. Let's start with why Steven didn't have his Laser Light Canon? W. Well in the show Steven can't use it because A. He doesn't know where it is and B. He can't lift it on his own, Now in the game Battle Crashers Steven was able to use it. Since we didn't use any Video Game feats by Cartman we are not using anything from the Video Games for Steven. B. If we used stuff from the Video Games Cartman would stomp due to him having the better physicality and better weapons. W. And B. Isn't Steven island level? Absolutely not! No feat by Steven has come close to island level destructive ability, His bubble could block an Island level explosion it's just that he can't destroy an island. B. So overall Cartman has the Striking Strength, Speed, Intelligence and weaponry advantage, Looks like Steven didn't have the guts to defeat Eric. W. The winner is Eric Cartman. Advantages and Disadvantages Eric Cartman (Winner) + Can Hit harder + Faster + Better weaponry + Smarter '- Worse at fighting' '- Less durable' '- Can lift less' ---- Steven Universe (Loser) '- Can hit a lot less hard' '- Slower' '- Worse Weapons' '- Dumber' + Better at fighting + Can lift more ' '+ More Durable 'Next Time On Death Battle' 'Goku and Vegeta vs Batman and Superman ' Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:Magic Duel Category:Magic vs Technology themed DEATH BATTLEs Category:'TV Shows' themed Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Anti-Hero' themed Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Villain' themed Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:The sayain jedi Category:Remaster Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2018 Category:The sayain jedi Season 1